1) Do hard things daily. Take on a challenge. Set some aims for yourself. Human beings are built for struggle. A challenge fortifies you. Stop chasing impulsive pleasures and start doing things that make you feel proud of yourself. Those things usually aren’t about following your bliss, they are about having a code of conduct for yourself and keeping promises to yourself. Self-discipline is the initiator of self-love.
2) Go on a no external validation diet. The more validation you seek from the people outside of you, the lesser internal security you are going to have. Stop posting those selfies so that you can get the dopamine rush of people messaging how cute you look and learn to validate yourself. Be very conscious and intentional about the reasons for the activities that you engage in.
3) Learn to say ‘NO.’ Set boundaries with yourself and other people. Speak your truth. Stand up for yourself. Practice assertiveness and learn to negotiate on your behalf. Know that you are worthy of your needs being met. Treat yourself like someone you genuinely care about (do not confuse this with arrogance and being entitled).
4) Embrace active solitude. Just because you are in your house doesn’t mean that you are spending time with yourself. If you are constantly distracted by your phone, TV, work etc, you are not actively spending time in self-reflection and mindfulness. Sit with your uncomfortable emotions. Daily take out 10-15 mins where you witness the sensations in your body and acknowledge your feelings. Face yourself.
5) Don’t settle for unhealthy/one-sided relationships that are born out of self-abandonment and are not aligned with your values. The more bad behaviour you tolerate, the lesser will be your self-worth because the message that you internalise is, “I’m only worthy of these unhealthy behaviours. I don’t deserve more than this.” Change your beliefs by changing what you are choosing. Feelings follow behaviour. To integrate the feelings of high self-worth, make healthier choices around the company you keep.
6) Don’t internalise rejections. Rejections, more often than not, are about preference/compatibility mismatch rather than an indication of your unworthiness. There are always things that you can do to increase your value and become more attractive. However, if you start doing things solely to earn the approval of other people and twist yourself into a pretzel to please others, you are dishonouring yourself and not embracing your authenticity.
7) Take your self-care routine up a notch. By self-care, I don’t mean bubble baths and massages. I mean, journal to become aware of your wounds and traumas. Dig deep into your past, construct empowering narratives around life changing events, and integrate the lessons into your personality. Don’t let your past hold you hostage. Question your limiting beliefs and adopt a growth mindset – “I can achieve anything I set my mind to.” Positive affirmations mean nothing if you are unwilling to put in the work.
8) Extend a lot of compassion, kindness, and unconditional love towards yourself. Be gentle with yourself. It doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook but it does mean not beating yourself up to the point that you keep dwelling in unhealthy shame. Practice inner-child and forgiveness meditations. Forgive yourself. Don’t shame your younger versions. Learn from them and be grateful to them.
9) One of the fastest ways of developing high self-worth is consistently acting in alignment with your values. One of the easiest ways to identify your values is to analyse the person that you look up to and admire, and then journal about the admirable qualities that they have. Those are your values. Integrate those values by embodying them into your personality and see how quickly it enhances your self-worth. When you incorporate traits within you that you admire, very soon you become someone that you admire.